How I got my breasts.

I'm 37.  I've had noticeably-larger breasts since probably 4th grade, when some jerk kid in line behind me at school poked at my back and, in a nanny-nanny-boo-boo tune, announced to everyone, "YOU'RE WEARIN' A BRA-A-AAA!"  It was just a trainer, but definitely necessary as I was sprouting lumps.

So, hey, since I was 9.

I remember whispering my bra size to a boy in sixth grade (32B), whose eyes bugged out of his head.  Not that he had any real idea what it meant.  I'll say this, though, I was wearing a really adorable bra that day, and it matched my undies.  I'd bought it at a popular teeny-bopper store in the mall, remember Foxmoor?  I bloomed well before most girls, and by my tween years, I had no problem flaunting this.  Wheee, look at meeee, I HAVE BOOBS!  Makes a lot of sense that my longish-term 7th grade boyfriend was a good foot shorter than me.

Fast forward to, oh, 10th grade.  I played softball, and upon returning in 10th grade to get jerseys, I naturally requested my number from last year.  I tried on the shirt to make sure it still fit, but alas no.  I had bloomed over the summer like a healthy field of daisies. SHAZAM!  My coach awkwardly hinted that perhaps I'd get a new number.  I was probably a C cup.  I could still wear a cute bandeau bikini top, I'll tell ya that for sure, and like most 14-15 year olds, I had absolutely no idea how effing incredible my metabolism/body was.

I was a D cup approaching the latter years of high school, no small badge of honor for my boyfriend.  When you're dating a really physically fit busty blonde, you're a happy guy.

Somewhere in there I hit DD status... then DDD.  After college I was, well, a college grad with no strings and a lot of partying to do.  My metabolism slowed down (Nooooooo!!!!) and the sweater puppies continued to slowly overfill the DDD bras.  Because I spent most of my money on rent, alcohol, cover charges, and take-out food I couldn't really afford to shop in fancy bra shops, so I continued to squeeze the ladies into the DDD bras.  Who knows what size I actually was, I mean anything past "triple D" is seriously porn star boobage to the layman.  Can I get an "AMEN!"?