Day 35... 5 Weeks! I successfully navigated Thanksgiving.

It's officially been five weeks since my surgery, and I've started back to some desk work.  I'm all-around feeling good!  HOORAY!

Thanksgiving was great.  Enough people told me I looked fantastic, and nobody went in for a giant squishy hug so I was able to navigate my way comfortably through the family crowd.  I did notice that I was scared to even try getting on to the picnic-table bench, for a few reasons... a) it takes a certain amount of balance and torsion that I'm not sure I have, and b) the instability of the bench-- when it becomes like a see-saw if people get up/down at the wrong times-- influenced my decision to settle in a metal folding chair at a card table.  Our family is large, and we always have "extras"so it's not your "traditional" everyone-sits-at-the-dining-table kind of thing.  We're paper plate, backyard party kinda folk.

The dear Aunt who came to stay with me the weekend after surgery... she's the one who hosted Thanksgiving.  I stripped down and showed her my healing progress and she was totally happy!  I know it sounds odd, but she's had breast surgery before (because of cancer), and is very concerned with my healing process.  I wanted her to see that it was going well. A great percentage of my breast incisions have healed completely shut.  There are still 2 little spots where I have that whole "your body is chewing through the sutures" business going on, but they are pretty small.  My tummy suture is still "chewing" at various spots through the middle... but the outer edges are healing up pretty smoothly.

I'm still so impressed at the breast incision healing.  You have to get right up to the nipple and reallllly look to tell there was ever an incision.  It is ridiculously cool that Doc could have taken me all apart and stitched me back together so beautifully.

My daughter and I decided we'd head to the mall at midnight when it opened for Black Friday, but it was just too crowded.  So, we headed to Target.  Also too crowded.  Then we headed to the outlet mall, which had opened at 10:00, so we thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad.  Correct!  We outlet-malled for about an hour then called it quits.  We were tired, even after all that evening-time resting, lol.

I'm finding that where I used to automatically head for the XL or XXL's, I am now in more of a L/XL zone.  Gosh, I can't wait to be able to try on mew pants... although, I mean my thighs are still the same, so that will be an interesting study in fit, for sure.

Since I am still having the crazy nipple sensitivity, I've looked into finding some bras with more cup padding/thickness so it's not like "HELLO HEADLIGHTS!" when I'm walking around in a t-shirt.

This involved measuring myself for bra size.  I'm hitting about 40" around the ribs, and 45" around the widest part of my bust, which places me in a 40DD.  How did I feel when I first measured myself?  I was disappointed.  I wanted to immediately be "small".  Then I was surprised... oh hey, so THIS is what a DD cup looks like on me?  Well it's just really not nearly as bad and huge as I'd have imagined. I threw on a tank top with no bra, and I looked like a pretty hot hippie.

I found some no-wire "t-shirt" bras with a little more nipple coverage.  One, I purchased at Target and the other, amazon.com.

The Coobie Seamless Underwire Bra has not arrived yet, but I successfully and painlessly wore the Beauty by Bali Women's T-shirt Wireless Bra, purchased at Target.

UPDATE: Coobie is by far more wonderful than Bali.  Have not worn Bali again, have worn Coobie several times.  Its inserts allow me to cover unruly nipples yet it's still soft and microfiber stretchy!

Coobie:

Bali:

I'll still be  doing the happy dance when the swelling goes down and the boobs are smaller, don't get me wrong.  Doc explained to me long before the surgery that it can take 6 months to a year before your body is really truly settled in and where it's going to be.  In a later conversation, we talked about how his general rule for new surgeries or any real tweaking is that you've got to be at least a year out from the previous surgery.  Makes good sense.

In my head's fairy tale, the transformation was more like emerging from my lovely chrysalis a perfectly healed butterfly.  Clearly, my head fairy tale is delusional ; )  If you're considering plastic surgery, know that your recovery will nottttttt be instant.  Great results will be worth waiting for.  Patience.

Pain Level

My breasts are still sensitive.  Like... maybe if you had been all-over sandpapered.  Just that extra sensitive-pain that isn't really a "constant" pain, but I'm still preferring the car ride with the pillow barrier between my chest and the seat belt.  I don't feel that I need medication for it, but when my nipples are being exceptionally sensitive, I'll pop a couple of Motrin.  That seems to help.

When I wake in the morning and stand up, I am very aware and it's minimally painful to feel that "letdown" as my breasts adjust to gravity.  Kind of like before the surgery, if I had PMS breast pain.  That goes away pretty quickly.

If I press on them, at any given time, I can still feel sensitivity in the underneath-layers, even just a couple of inches below my collarbone.  My "wing muscles" (pretend you're trying to fly... all those muscles) are sore when I try and use them.

My tummy incision area is not painful at all, nor is my relocated belly button.  My abs are still sore, and when I get up from having been sitting a while, I still have that "pulling" sensation, like I need to stand up slowly or my stomach will rip in two.  Now, I'm sure that isn't what would happen, but it just feels nicer to get up slowly! It isn't as hard to sit in booths at restaurants, unless they are really super squishy booths.

Energy/Strength Level

Energy level is absolutely improving.  I don't need naps, I'm not sleeping all that much more than I did prior to surgery, I can do more than one or two activities a day.  Me and Mr. Right took a little walk around the neighborhood with the dog, and I only really had to ask him to slow down once... and I didn't feel regretful of the exertion afterward.  That was roughly 2 miles.

Strength and range of motion are slowly improving as well.  Being able to reach higher and lower does result in some mild soreness of the new muscles used, but it isn't anything to really complain about.  I don't depend constantly on the "grabber" tool, but I still keep it handy.

I can't carry super heavy stuff comfortably.  I went through clothes and made a donation basket-- just a small laundry basket filled with folded clothes-- but I'm not feeling strong enough to carry something like that around the house.  Folding laundry and hanging up clothes have been great activities for me, since the range of motion varies so much, and this activity is not time-dependent.  We have the taller laundry hampers, which I cannot lift when full, so I devised a fabulous system of "looping a scarf through the handle" and dragging it to the laundry room like I'm a dog pulling a sled.  Works like a charm!  If you have small children, I'd think this would be a highly enjoyable task for them whether you've had surgery or not.

Things I can't do right now:
Bend over to the ground and get a puppy out of  kennel (I reallllly wanted to get that puppy, too... I had to ask for help).  Bend down and get things that are in our lower cabinets, but far back.  Reach high stuff that is sort of heavy.  Lift sort of heavy things out in front of my body (using forearm).  Carry in lots of groceries... a 12-pack of canned Cokes is about my carrying-stuff weight limit.

I would still not be able to lift a child.  Maybe a tiny newborn, but any child heavier than a 12-pack would be out of the question.

Hugging Level

Mr. Right is the only one I'll really hug boob-forward, since he's really good about letting me apply the pressure.  Everyone else is still getting the side-shoulder-hug, or the "I'm gonna hug you from over here" hug that looks like middle school slow-dancing.



Snuggling Level (this section is off limits to relatives and people who don't want to hear about mushy stuff and/or my love life)

Well, there is still no spooning but we did make a good (and might I say relatively successful!) attempt at forking this week.  That's right.  Through the gusset/hole of the compression garment.  On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the best ever, this was like probably a 5.  It was niiiice, but I was totally self-conscious, a little scared I was going to hurt something and have to explain it to Doc, and my movement/active participation was super limited.  I felt funny using certain muscles in the lower abdominal regions.  If you're wondering how this was physically possible given my limited range of motion, well... keep wondering, because I've probably already said too much, LOL!!!

Days 25, 26, 27, 28, and 29... some boring stuff, plus 4-Week Check-Up

Well, I'm kinda getting into the point in the process where there aren't really "daily" healing details, so I might start posting weekly.  Maybe every few days.  I mean I don't know how interested people are in what I'm watching on tv ; )

Big News of the past 5 days:

Baby teething gel on the nipples to help with over-sensitivity:  This works, for like maybe 30 minutes... so, that was kind of a flop, and my nipples smell like cherry baby teething gel.

I slept on my side for the first time.

I still have the ridiculous crick in my neck, even though I went and had a chair massage.

Dealing with the infected tummy incision (more on that later):  I wore regular cotton panties under my compression garment, and attached a maxi-pad to the inside of the panties to soak up anything oozing/weeping from the incision.  This has worked really, really well.

4-Week Checkup:

So Doc looked at my tummy incision "infected" area and immediately told me that, in fact, it was no infection.  My body is such a healing badass boss that it's just trying really hard to "chew up" the different layers of sutures, and the protein byproducts of that process are what we see oozing/weeping.  The concern there, however, is that the external layer can't close up properly and the scar will be less-than-perfect if we let it continue to weep willy-nilly, so he put something like little butterfly bandages on the incision so it'll still be able to leak, but will not separate.

Should the scar be "too big", he can pretty simply fix it in a few months.  He likes my ooze-management technique of the maxi-pad on the undies, so we'll keep doing that while my body keeps eating up that dissolvable suture business.

Here are some steri-strips (wanna really gross yourself out?  Do a Google image search on "steri-strips"):

Evidently I can shower in them and everything.  Hooray!  I'm honestly just happy I didn't have some sort of flesh-eating haywire bacterial infection that would leave my stomach looking like a shark tried to eat me.

I mentioned I was running out of the ScarGuard, and since the breast business is healing up pretty well, Doc gave me some silicone thingees to use instead (the active ingredient in the ScarGuard is Silicone, which evidently has some magical powers where tissue healing is concerned.  It seems to help scars form flatter and smaller.  There was some talk of how Doc studied wound healing at some point).

So, there's an "anchor" shaped piece that goes on the scar on the underside of each breast, then a donut-looking piece that goes around each areola, with a little nipple hole.  Shape is like this:

This is a lot easier than painting that ScarGuard on allllll my incision areas with a teeny tiny brush!  I'm loving it.  Mine are clear silicone, and called "NewGel Silicone Gel Sheeting for Scar Management".  You can see them all here on NewMedical's site.  Doc's helper applied them to me in the office, and I totally haven't noticed them at all.  They're under my bra, and do not seem to have moved.  I'll get an abdomen one when the weeping/oozing stops and the tummy incision starts healing together.

Pain Level:

I'm not having much pain at all where the incisions are concerned.  On occasion, I have itching, but that's a good sign of healing so I try and either tolerate or use Benadryl spray if it's an actual topical itch.  I'm still workin' the Valium if I'll be in large crowds, because I am on super high alert and feel like everyone is a danger to my nipples (which are still on high alert) and belly.  I'm not in super crowds much, though, so not taking much of that either.  I've mostly been taking Motrin and Aleve to work on my stupid neck-crick-pain.

I'm going to attempt some desk work tomorrow morning, which I could have been doing for the past few days were it not for this effing neck pain.  Seriously.  I finally escape the neck and shoulder pain, only to strain a muscle and completely anger my neck and shoulders.  I don't really and truly have the range of motion I need to stretch these muscles the way I want to, so that's kind of annoying.  Oh well...  I'll take this over "flesh-eating haywire bacterial infection" any day of the week!

Energy/Strength Level:

I'm probably back to about 25% where energy level is concerned.  I can walk around the mall or the grocery store then go out to eat, and maybe one more stop then I am DONE.  My default walking speed is totally slower than normal.  I can squat down to the ground and pick stuff up now, but I prefer not to because of the panty/compression garment movement consequences, lol.

I can reach higher things than I could last week.  It's a slow and steady healing process, and I'm finding more patience.  There is absolutely some guilt where this process is concerned-- I'm not able to lift heavy things, do a lot of bending, tackle a lot of household things that I'm used to doing.  Everyone else has to work harder because I chose to do this... but again, here we are.  My family is being awesome about it.  I'm really trying to do what I can, not ask for unnecessary help, not use the surgery as an excuse to get out of doing things and just delegate.

Hugging Level:

I'm still not up for full-frontal hugs with anyone except Mr. Right.  I'm a little anxious about Thanksgiving because there will be family hugging and I don't know if everyone will remember that I had surgery-- or if some people even know.  It's not like I sent out announcements ; )  I know I'll get a lot of, "Oh you look so good!  Have you been dieting?" from the extended family relatives... I think I'll just tell them that while my eating habits have changed, I had 3.5 pounds of breast reduction and some other bonus work done.  I have a huge family, and we're huggers.  I am just going to have to figure out how to intercept and do some early hug detection.

Or I could just wear a shirt that says "4 weeks ago I had my nipples cut off and sewn back on.  Hug me gently", but really... who wants to talk about nipples at Thanksgiving?  Especially nipples to which you are related.

Snuggling Level (skip this if you don't want to hear the mushy part, or if you are a relative of mine):

As you may well imagine, since I just managed to sleep on my side and don't want to hug anyone too hard, there has yet to be any impressive snuggling.  Still plenty of hand-holding and kissing, but the laying-down-action is still at a screeching halt.  While we are sexy people, but the love is there no matter what.  The kindness and gentle touches and sweetness is there.  The compassionate and caring way he helps me with the ScarGuard, or puts lotion on my legs where it's tough for me to reach, or brings me a glass of milk and some Aleve when I wake up in neck-crick pain... that really means a lot to me.

We've gone through very difficult circumstances together before, this is nothing.  It's all physical, and one of these days (please, God who bonded us in marriage, let it be sooner rather than later) we'll get back to the physical lovin' again.  Don't think I haven't been scheming in my head to figure this business out.  You bet your bottom dollar my brain is working.  This is one of those times when the often-joked-about "sex swing" would totally come in handy.  Did I just go there?  Yep.

Day 25: Purging the closet

So, this morning I had to help a friend run an errand.  I had to be kind of a "secret shopper" so I got up, showered, and made myself presentable (hello again, maternity jeans, don't mind if I do!).  She picked me up, we ran our errand, and had lunch.

Once I got home, I decided it was about time to start trying on some of my old clothes to see what I needed to keep, and what I needed to toss.  There ended up being a lot of tops and dresses that no longer work on me, so I purged them from the closet and bagged 'em up.  Some will go to a friend and the rest will probably go to donation.

The jury is still out on pants, since I can't comfortably try anything on at the moment.

I piled up all my old bras and swimsuits (most of which were bra-cup-specific) and put them into a clothing bin... I'll wash them on the "sanitize" cycle in the washer and re-bin them, then figure out what the heck to do with them.

Do you offer people your old bras?  I mean, they were expensive, and there are at least 10 or 12.  Like, no one bra cheaper than $50 or so.  It's not like they're undies that have touched a bodily-fluids part... they're bras.  They touched breasts.  That's it.  How is this really all that different form donating or passing on your old towels or sheets?  Quite frankly, bras are kind of less possible-cootie-harboring contraptions than towels or sheets.

We'll see.  I mean there's always Craigslist.  I don't know of any organizations that collect giant secondhand bras.

I also helped Mr. Right get my Career Day stuff out of my car and into my storage unit.  I absolutely did not lift anything too heavy or over-exert myself in any way.  I am in take-it-easy mode because I do not want to slow this process down.

The swelling in my breasts is definitely going down.  They are hard/firm along the bottom, and I don't know if they'll be like that forever or if that's part of the process... we shall see.  My nipples are not being all crazy-oversensitive as much, so I'm happy about that!

My tummy incision is still showing angry signs, but no more so than yesterday, so I'm staying on the course of antibiotics and we'll see what Doc has to say on Monday (I have my 4-week appointment then).

In other totally interesting news, we had Chinese food for dinner.  I've only taken antibiotic and Benadryl today!  No real need for pain or muscle relaxer meds.  I took some Aleve because I got a wicked crick in my neck from looking over at my friend in her car and talking to her.  That's the first neck and shoulder pain I've had in 25 days, though.  Quite a change from the "every single day" back/neck/shoulder pain.  Benadryl because after I cleaned my tummy incision and gauzed/taped it up, I had an itching fit and just couldn't stand it.  I undid my garment, took off the tape/gauze, and methodically stuffed an old pair of soft panties between my skin and the compression garment.

: )

Day 24: Maternity Pants are the bomb!

So today's "reason to wake up" was a nail appointment.  I was looking forward to trying out the maternity pants and people, they were absolutely the BEST.

None of that wacky buttoning/waistline business.  The tummy panel slid right up over my compression garment and stayed up!  I wore a baggy hoodie and Uggs with it, so I was not at the height of fashion (unless you count "Grunge"), but I was indeed comfy : )

Come to think of it, it's quite unfortunate that Uggs were a post-Grunge fashion item.  They'd have fit right in!

I have felt all-around well.  No need for anything above and beyond Motrin.

The rest of the day is pretty nothing-to-report until dinner time rolled around.  My nails look lovely and I watched a lot of America's Next Top Model since they were running a style marathon on whatever channel that is.  I stripped the sheets off the bed all by myself (very slowly, it's not a contest) and got them into the washer & dryer.  Slow and steady won that race.

So me and Mr. Right went to my favorite suburban Mexican restaurant because it's Thursday, and they make my favorite dish ONLY on Thursdays.

I went to the bathroom, and upon peeling my layers off, I noticed a little bit of "weeping" from my tummy incision was showing through my compression garment. I went ahead and took the garment down and looked at the incision... yep.  The part Doc had thought might be an infection was definitely looking angry.  It wasn't oozing or anything, just kind of looked like the skin was separating a bit and there was a bit of... goo.. that didn't look right.  Since I started antibiotics last night, I know we're already fighting whatever's in there, but I thought I should let Doc know that the situation appeared worse.

I sent him a text (as he requests his patients do if they have questions) explaining the situation, asking if I should go ahead and Neosporin the area.  He said yes, and to not put Scarguard on it until it looks normal again.  SO... back to the gauze-and-ointment for that part of the incision.

I'm still glad I asked!  I took a picture of it for myself, so I can take a pic tomorrow and compare.  Just so I can know if it's getting better or worse.  Just for me.  Possibly for the blog if I can figure out a way to host pics elsewhere so they don't just show up and BLAMMO! surprise you out of the blue.

I know I would NOT want to see someone else's infected incision unless I specifically chose to.

Once I figure that, I'll post some other more in-depth images as well.

Day 24 was, overall, a feelin' good kinda day.  See ya on Day 25!

Day 23: 3-week checkup, and wheeee, maternity pants!

I must be honest.  After I wrote the Day 22 blog, Mr. Right called and I chatted with him about his day, then about how I was feeling with this healing, and how much I missed our intimacy and stuff.  I was upset.  I cried when I hung up the phone.  I was in bed, and I was frustrated, and I was wondering what happened to the way I felt last week?  Why did I feel like I was making so much progress?  Why do I now feel like I'm standing still or regressing?  UGH.  Why can't I be healing-superwoman?

So today I had my 3-week checkup to get ready for today.

I woke up, ate some breakfast, and did some playing-on-the-internet.  I had to figure out what I was wearing to the Doc.

It's chilly, and until yesterday I had been wearing a lot of flowy dresses and didn't have to wear pants.  The long leggings I wore yesterday were suspect since my midsection was sore after Career Day, so I didn't want to go with those again.  I settled for some looser capri length yoga pants that were comfy enough.  I went with big-baggy-sweatshirt on top because it was warm and comfy and hid the lovely compression garment sticking out of my pants.  I ordered two more compression garments that were due to arrive today, but damn if they had not made their way to my front door.  Of course.

I showered but kind of said "to hell with it" where washing my hair was concerned.  Dry shampoo is my friend!

I was thinking hard about why the wind had gone out of my sails.  I am getting a wider range of motion.  I can squat down and bend enough to pick things up off the floor, or plug stuff into the wall.   It's easier to reach stuff that's high up, so I am doing more reaching.  Maybe my increased abilities, coupled with the fact that the numbness is subsiding and feeling IS coming back, are the culprit.  So maybe I am progressing, it's just that I am in less of the la-la-land than I have been.

I want to be an over-achiever, and to be commended for it.  I want people to be mesmerized with my power to heal and emerge unscathed.  I want to think I'm not "average".  Why?  I don't know.  We talked about impatience yesterday ; )

So once I got to Doc's, I took off all my cozy layers and put on the soft pink rosy exam gown.  It's like being back home.  Ahh.

When you're asked, "So, how are you feeling?" in the doc's office, you can really unload, and unload I did.  He gave me the, "Hey, it's only been 3 weeks!  Everybody always seems to think they'll heal faster than we tell them."

So basically, don't get mad at yourself for not being over-achiever-healer because in reality, you're doing GREAT, silly woman.  My tummy incision was looking red above and below, more than Doc cared to let go without a course of antibiotics.  He said it could be the sutures kind of irritating one another, but there was one spot that was "weeping" a little so he threw me on a course of Bactrim, in case something was going on.  He didn't seem worried, since the redness was so localized.

I asked him about my crazy sensitive nipples, and if it would be okay to try putting baby teething gel or something on them, just to desensitize them.  He said I could definitely try, and to report back.

Since there was a prescription being called in, you might be able to guess the next stop of the train, TARGET!  This is also my pharmacy, so I actually had a pure reason for the visit ; )  Once I made sure they'd received the faxed prescription info, I shopped while they filled it.

First stop, baby teething gel.

Next stop, comfier pants.
I shopped around the workout section, but nothing looked very waist-comfy.  Everything's made to hold up to the rigors of working out.  Meh.  I made my way to the pajamas, but nothing there was really outta-the-house-presentable.  I went to the normal clothes, looking for some track pants or something, but in my pickiness, I snubbed my nose at velour.

Like a beacon in the night, I saw it.  LIZ LANGE MATERNITY.  Ohmygah, super stretchy waists!  YES!  I found a pair of maternity jeans, tried them on, and they worked like a charm.  They don't look like "mom jeans" (which is like, the height of irony, right?), they're long enough, hooray!

As long as I wear a shirt long enough, it hides the little lycra panel so it's alllll goooood.

Mr. Right was home when I got home, and we ate dinner in.  He fired up the fireplace, and I snuggled up really close to it and took some of the prescription meds and melted into the rest of the night with him watching Duck Dynasty.  Oh, sweet soft fleece pajama pants.  Snuggly house-shoes.

I felt so much better at the end of today.  I'm going to try and do a little bit of desk work tomorrow and finish up a couple of projects.  I also have a nail appointment, where I will wear my fashionable new jeans.

: )

Day 22: Career Day, I think I overdid it again maybe... and I miss being able to snuggle.

So I woke up at 7:30ish this morning because I had committed (a while back) to doing a career day presentation at a local school.  It was really cold outside, so I had to rethink my wardrobe choice, which was okay but I also had to reach up really high in the closet to get to the bin my comfy sweater was packed in... which probably wasn't the best idea ever.  Ouch.  I went with the big comfy sweater and some athletic leggings (they're all black, so they looked fashiony enough).

We had packed the car last night so that there would be no carrying-of-stuff this morning, I knew Mr. Right needed to snooze in a while because he had a long day of work travel ahead of him.  I got ready, and with it being cold, my left nipple was REALLY being crazy and sensitive, so I took some Motrin on the way out the door.   Seriously, left nipple, you have GOT to calm the heck down.

My fantastic helper friend met me at the school and took care of the heavy-thing-transporting, got us checked in, and helped me set up everything in the room.  We walked back to the cafeteria where the students were assembling, listened to the opening presentation, then walked back to the classroom where we'd set up.

No, I am not a professional cupcake model, but this blog is anonymous so that's what you get, lol.

I talked to three separate "classes", each of which lasted 30 minutes.  I stood up and talked, I sat down and talked, whatever felt comfortable.  It didn't involve a great deal of physical effort, really.  The kids were GREAT, I loved talking about my job, and my fantastic helper friend threw out candy whenever someone made a good comment or asked a question, so the flow of conversation was lovely.

My helper packed up for me so I didn't have to do much bending and barely any lifting.  We loaded up the car (she loaded the car) and we went to the lunch they provided for us.  By this point it was like noon, and I was getting very tired.  My breasts were feeling really heavy and I needed to get home so I could take some medicine.

I've kind of been slowly trying to do more in the way of bending/twisting, and use my abs to sit up in bed instead of the log-roll out of bed... stuff like that.  So... they're sore.  It may have also had to do with the leggings being low-waist and bugging me at the tummy incision.  I don't know.  I've really gotta figure out what to do about colder-weather clothing.

I'm a little discouraged because I really thought that by 3 weeks, I'd be able to do more.  I didn't think I'd need meds.  I want to be super crazy awesome healer-upper-lady and instead I'm just kind of right where your average bear should be a this point-- overachiever left nipple and all.  I am not yet doing intricate you poses and seeing that fabulous six-pack.  Gosh.

I think I'm also missing the cuddly-snuggly nature of my relationship with my husband.  I just want to be able to lie next to him all spoony and stuff, or to be able to wake up in the morning and roll over and snuggle up on him.  We fall asleep holding hands most nights, just because touch is comforting (and because we're so adorably cute like otters).

  I'm not gonna lie, we're very touchy hands-on people, and I miss that so much it almost makes me cry.  He's out of town this evening and it is making me totally weepy; I miss him so much. It's got to also be difficult for him, I mean, he likes to hug and love on me too... and he doesn't know what he can and can't do and he doesn't want to hurt me.

It's totally my fault.  I wanted to do this.  I did this, and there are no regrets on having had these procedures because moving forward, it will be wonderful.  I just feel like I'm robbing him of intimacy and solace of snuggling and the release and security of being held.  I want to do whatever it is I need to do so that I can heal up and be more comfortable, and go back to being the snuggly wife I was before.

For your viewing pleasure, more gratuitous otter love:

We'd like to plan a trip to go spend some time together (did I mention my surgery was 2 days before our wedding anniversary?), he's got some vacation time that he needs to use up by the end of the year.  I don't know what I'll be ready for in 3 weeks.  I don't know if I'll still tire easily, if I'll be able to pull a suitcase, I just don't know.  We'd talked about going to Boston to see a friend, then maybe to NYC for a couple of days and staying somewhere nice, seeing the sights at Christmas time.  We don't have to decide now, we can be totally spontaneous and go where the wind takes us, or we can just stay at home (you know, like we've been doing for the past three weeks).

I just need to be patient, and do what I'm supposed to do, and let myself heal.

Ohhhhh why is patience so hard?

Aaaaaand look what I found, while looking for a cute little smart-ass picture to post about patience... something that actually means something, and is quite appropriate.

Three Weeks! Day 21... well, I was really tired. Also. I shaved my legs!

Day 21 was yesterday, but I went to bed without posting.

I woke up at about 8:30 (why? why did I wake up?), washed up, walked around, then I got pulled into a long marathon of that show "Long Island Medium" where the chatty lady talks to dead people and reassures live people that their loved ones "on the other side" are okay and happy and with them.

I've lost some loved ones.  I was watching it all fixated and crying like a baby because I wanted to hear those things about MY people on the other side.  Also, she is like the queen of bump-it hair.  You cannot stop looking at that HAIR.  There should be a whole show in just Theresa doing her hair.  You can't help but love this woman in all her sweet obnoxiousness.  Listening to her talk is my fave.

Then my friend called.  She had a breast reduction scheduled, but was having a doctor debacle and some real scheduling complications and just needed to talk, so we chatted like forever.  We talked about my procedures, cost, my outcome and recovery, etc.  Just a lot of surgery talk.  Then, of course, we talked a little about Long Island Medium because it's an excellent conversational topic.

I decided since my cats were gonna starve without my help, I needed to go grab some cat food.  I got home, fed them, fed myself, and holy cow I was all of a sudden just EXHAUSTED.  I sat down on the couch zoning out for like 45 minutes, kind of nodding off here and there, then Mr. Right got home.

I laid down for a nap around 4:30 and woke up at like 8:00 pm.  What the heck?  All I did was go out for freakin' cat food and talk on the phone.  Anyway, my body was telling me "sleep" so I did.

Mr. Right was hungry, but I kind of just wanted to sleep and wasn't hungry, but we needed to go to the store, and I should eat dinner.  Then it was "What do you want to eat?" and "I don't know", so I told him just wherever was fine, since I wasn't hungry.

We went to Hooters, and it was really really loud since it was Monday night football, so I ordered a couple of drinks to take the edge off.  That was probably the best decision I made allll day.  We hit the grocery store, then came home and he helped me load up the car.  I had a Career Day presentation the following day at a middle school.

I also showered in the evening because I knew there was no way I'd be able to be somewhere the next morning by 8:15 if the morning had to involve showering.  Pants are still not comfy, so I planned to wear a dress, so I SHAVED MY LEGS!  For the first time in 3 weeks.

Finally utilizing that shower chair to actually sit on, I shaved my legs.  Life is slowly getting back to normal!  Reaching the left side of my left leg was a challenge, because I'm right-handed.  That's probably the least-shaven part but the rest of my legs were pretty smooth.  I even had my sweet husband put lotion on them after he painted me up with Scar-Guard.

For whatever reason, I had the hardest time getting to sleep last night.  Maybe because of the 4-hour nap?