Day 87: Life is largely back to normal.

So, I have a few reportable instance type things...

Shooting pains/nerve regeneration is definitely going on.  They aren't bad, they don't make me jump or scream or exclaim profanities, but I can certainly feel them.  Moreso in my breasts than in my abdominal area.  It sort of feel like a little tiny lightning strike that travels from point A to point B.

I would describe it less as "pain" and more "sensation".  Uncomfortable, maybe... but they don't last long, so it isn't debilitating or really affecting my life.   I just thought I'd mention them here : )

I have admittedly not been really on the ball about wearing my silicone scar-healing things.  The most important area to me is the areola, I'd like this to heal up as beautifully and scar-free as possible, and as an added bonus the areolar silicone is the easiest to apply, and stays in place the best.  I don't know WHY I want this area to heal the prettiest, other than it's what I see in the mirror.  I certainly don't plan on frolicking topless in the presence of anyone other than my husband.

The "anchor" silicone strips are marginally more complicated, so I don't wear them as often... these are the ones that go underneath my breasts and then up the center scar on each breast to the areola.  They tend to not stick well in the area between my breasts, presumably because the cleavage zone tends to be the most oily, and the silicone isn't applied flat, it has to fold a little and fight with gravity.  Yes.  I should wear them more, I should.

The abdominal silicone strips are just kind of a giant pain in the ass.  I guess that skin is a little more stretchy throughout the day, and the silicone rolls and comes unstuck.  Maybe I'm stretching it too far.  Comparatively, I am a larger person (tall to start with, but also thick).  Maybe they're made for someone who's "average" and I need to be a little less demanding of them... we'll see.  I'll try and be better about that, because really, I don't want badly healed scars.  I want beautifully healed, barely detectable scars.

Part of it may be that I kind of just want to feel healed, to not fuss about it.  I want to just "be".  Three months of fussing over incisions and scars and you just want to feel DONE.

I went bra shopping, and found a few that are comfortable and nipple-obscuring, but really I've just been wearing the super comfy sport bra type things mostly.  They're way more comfortable.  Underwires, meh.  Unless it's a top where I "need" cleavage, I just wear the soft microfibery ones... some of which have the padding, so I wear those if it's a t-shirt day. It's mostly been really cold lately so I've just worn lots of layers, to where my bra choice doesn't matter.  I could probably go without, hahahahahaaaa, but I was raised to believe that ladies wear bras at all times in public or fear for being made fun of.  So, I will wear a bra.

My breasts are slowly but surely settling down, becoming more jiggly and less "swollen".  They're softer and more natural feeling : )  My left nipple is still more attentive than the right.  Not painful, just more aware... especially with the cold weather.  My right nipple is the free, easy-going nipple while the left is the scowling ever-concerned nipple.  It makes me giggle to think of them as two different people ; )

The underside of each breast is still a little bit more firm, and I guess not all the way settled in.  Doc told me from the outset that somewhere between 6 months and 1 year would be when things are finally the way they're gonna be.  I wonder if the bottom of my breasts will be different then, or if it'll just be like it is now?  No telling... I'll wait and see, and of course report back.

My abdomen is pretty much healed up.  After long days of sitting at my desk, holding myself upright, I still can't wait to just lie flat in bed.  It isn't pain, just awareness/sensation/fatigue.  It feels good to stretch out, lie down, and get those muscles elongated and relaxed!  I always feel great waking up in the morning.

I feel like my strength and energy level are back to normal.

Lots of friends have been asking me about the surgery, a couple of them actually have it lined up and are just trying to get the last-minute questions answered in their heads (going back to work, driving, taking care of kids).  It's hard to tell people what they'll be able to do at a certain point in their recovery... I have to kind of ask them to look at the blog, or I have to come back and look at the blog and see what I was feeling at certain points in the recovery.

There's no real way to know if they'll heal more slowly or more quickly than me.  Hopefully they both heal up quickly and are back to normal by the times they have planned to be back to work.  Support system is KEY.  Knowing that you have people you can call on-- better yet, people to come check in on you at regular intervals-- is probably the most helpful thing in the first few weeks.

Guilt?  Condescension?
Now that I'm kind of back in the land of exercise and normality, I've been on Pinterest and been following some inspirational worker-outers and exercise/health kinds of people.  There's a HUGE faction of people who seem to absolutely abhor and shun the entire plastic surgery community.  Like somehow, if you've had surgery, you haven't "earned" your body or you somehow took an easy way out.  Like if you had abdominal or breast surgery after having a child and becoming a mother, you somehow scoff at or refuse to accept the battle scars of becoming a mother (or resent your children, or love them less).  Like there are natural ways to work hard and reduce your breasts, and that having sagging breasts and belly in older age is a badge of honor.

That this is the way God made you, and you should appreciate it and feel beautiful no matter what (how many of those people color their hair, wear makeup, spanx, or own a push-up bra?).

This annoys me.  No amount of exercise makes you a better person than someone else.  Don't tell me what I should feel.  When you wake up every day, stand up, and feel a stabbing pain between your shoulder blades all day long, and have debilitating muscle spasms in your back, and excruciating shoulder pain, we'll talk.  God made me, and God gave me the power to make good decisions about my health and well-being.

I actually searched "breast reduction" on Pinterest.  It turned up ONE pin-- a picture of someone running, with a caption over it that said, "NATURAL Breast reduction".  Oh please.  Why would you even MAKE that picture unless you're looking to be condescending to people who choose the surgical option? This is one instance where the "definite results" decision was absolutely the right choice for me.  I could have run 100 miles and there's no telling whether these boobs would have shrunk down or not, but surgery gave me peace of mind, knowing that the tissue and the pain would be gone gone gone.

Should you choose the surgical route, don't allow anyone the power to make you feel badly about your decision-- If you are one of the anti-surgery people, realize that you might need to step back and allow your sister/friend/wife/mother make a decision about her health (physical and mental) and just be supportive.  Keep your unapproving and negative thoughts to yourself.

My surgery was about how I look, but it was also about how I feel.  Just like any other exercise or weight loss goals.